The New Zealand Crappervan

Traveling by motor home is very popular in New Zealand. These conveyances can range anywhere from full-blown, self-contained, sleep eight land yachts down to a mini-van with a mattress thrown in the back. It is the latter of which I write.

These beauties usually come with a water jug and a camp stove, bedding if you pay extra and not much else.

Renting out recreational vehicles is a multi-million dollar industry, and there are thousands on the road, literally. Just drive up the West Coast highway (which we currently are) if you don’t believe me.

Another popular past time in NZ is called “Freedom” or “Free” camping. Freedom camping is legal and allows you to camp anywhere on public land (except where specifically prohibited, and even that doesn’t stop them) outside of designated camp sites. Unfortunately this usually gets construed as parking lots, day-use only sites, rest stops along the highway, etc.

I mentioned that it is legal to freedom camp. Well, it’s only legal if you have a fully self-contained campervan with containment capacity for 3 days use. Enter the “Crappervan”.

The crappervan is an aberration of the word campervan and pertains more specifically to the hygiene habits of the operators of the vehicle. These are usually European youth who are touring NZ on the cheap. I’m told the Germans and the Israelis are the worst, which makes a joke I heard on television make sense now. I’ll tell it later.

I’d like to state for the record that I am not trying to disparage the companies who rent these vehicles; their websites are clear about the responsible use of their vehicles, so don’t sue me.

The trouble is a significant number of the operators of these machines don’t seem to find any problem with getting up in the morning, performing their rituals, and driving away from the steaming pile, alongside their prior day’s (or week’s) rubbish. Freedom camping in crappervans is not endearing to the locals. We found this sign at a roadside picnic site one day.

There is also a standard uniform. It typically consists of sweat pants, flip-flops and matted, greasy hair. Now for the joke.

During our last visit here in 2008 we watched a comedian who said the following:

"I'm often told that many parts of New Zealand look a lot like Bavaria. That must be why so many Germans are shitting all over the South Island." I get it now.